Great...

"Hannah, you're a great leader. When you walk into a room, it just lights up."

Sitting in an over-sized arm chair listening to Mrs. Brown relay my characteristics and how I could use them---I got frustrated. She kept repeating the word "great", and after a while, I had to struggle not to flinch every time she said it. What does great mean, anyway? What does it mean when someone tells you that you're great at something?

Great - notable; remarkable; exceptionally outstanding. Of noble or lofty character. Of high rank, official position, or social standing. Important; highly significant or consequential. (dictionary.com)

Heh, well, if that's what "great" is, and if that's what it means to be "great"---then I am definitely not great. Not a great person. Not greatly accomplished. Not great at anything, really.

Oh, but just look. Look at what I'm told.

"You're a teacher," said my grandma, who is retired from teaching herself. "You'd be a great teacher. Not everyone can teach, Hannah, but you've got it."

"You'd make a kickin' youth pastor's wife," the lead singer of a band at camp told me last Summer. "You'd be just great."

"Oh, I bet you'd be great at acting! You're great at everything!" said my recently married cousin, who had no idea what she was talking about, obviously.

"You're a great soccer player. You play like one of the boys," my coach from the Hosanna boy's soccer team told me last Fall.

"Girl, you can sing," said the keyboardist of a newly produced jazz/rock band. "If your parents are alright with it, you'd be a great back-up vocalist for our new CD."

"The point is," said Mr. Drouin, finally coming to the end of one of his digressions, "that this is a great paper, Hannah, and I want to tell you to aim your sights high. You've got talent. You could be great---GREAT, I tell you. So aim greatly."

Great. Great? Great! I'm fed up with greatness---with the world's prospect of greatness.

"... The Lord doesn't make decisions the way you do! People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at a person's thoughts and intentions." -- 1 Samuel 16:7b

I want to be great by God's standards, wherever I go and whatever I do.

Dear God,

Radical abandonment to follow You; to pursue and fulfill Your mission---that is what is most important. But, in all of its greatness, it's a tough conviction to swallow. Thinking about it frightens me a little. Even while I sit here---unsatisfied and wanting more; wanting greatness; wanting to further Your Kingdom---I am frightened of what it will take to be great. Great by Your standards.

Oh, but God, You alone are great. Show me how great You are, because Your greatness is all that really matters.