Yup, I'm New. And I'm Kind of Tired of It.

This school year has been chock full of "new" for me. New school, new teachers, new friends, new ambitions... I have purposefully put myself in new situations, and tried new things, in order to break out of the box---somewhat self-created, but also built against my will---that I have been stuck in for too long.

One of my new endeavors this year was to play basketball (as well as run track and try out for the school play, among other things. But those will come later.) I went to the first open-gym basketball practice before soccer season was even completed and, to my surprise, I liked it right away. I've always liked to watch basketball and shoot a few hoops on occasion---however horrible I was at it---but I didn't know I liked to play basketball. Now, approximately 6 days out of every week, I find myself in satisfyingly springy basketball shoes, a loose basketball jersey with arm holes the size of Texas, and baggy basketball shorts long enough to touch the floor. (Okay, so they only cover my knees... it took me a while to get used to those things.)

Basketball is a blast. I especially like to steal the ball, mostly because that is the single thing I can count on myself to be able to do---and that's what is killing me: I like basketball a lot, but I'm pretty horrible at it. Oh, alright, so everyone tells me I am picking it up quickly, and improving all the time, but honestly... I am tired of learning. And it has begun to bother me every time someone says me, "Man, I wish you had played earlier, you could have been so good!" ... aaaaarggggg.

I went into basketball with the mind-set of "I am doing this because it is new, and because I want to have fun, and I don't care how good or bad I am at it." My attitude about learning this new sport has been exactly that for the past two months but, as usual, my competitive nature rose to the surface, and now I am growing weary of... well, sucking. There are basketball games every Tuesday, Friday, and Saturday, and I almost dread them. My feelings are in conflict: I don't want to play because I'm not good, but then again I do want to play because I work really hard in practice and I would like to get some time on the playing court. Either way, I'm not a very happy camper.

I'm trying to figure out how to have a better attitude about this whole thing. I know it's good for me---it's really good for me. I've been hesitant to try new things most of my life; not because I am afraid to try, really, because I do actually like trying things. My fear in trying anything new has always been the possibility of being bad at whatever I am trying. I don't know why I am so afraid of my own imperfection---it's really ridiculous! And that is precisely why I am making myself do new things this year, and why basketball is good for me.

You're not good at basketball. Deal with it, Hannah. "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the LORD; not for men." - Colossians 3:23. (One of my favorite verses---maybe I should pay more attention to it, eh?)

You know, I think part of what is bothering me so much is that I do really like basketball, and I wish I had played it sooner. The fact that I am enjoying a sport totally controversial to my usual sport addiction (soccer), makes me wonder what else I would have liked. Now that I am throwing my pride aside and trying anything and everything new that looks like it might be interesting, I am running out of time to do it. I feel like I am cramming into my Senior year everything I didn't do for the past three years.

Time, oh time... I wish you would slow down. However will I be able to try the new, and enjoy the old, if you won't slow down and let me?